Sunday, October 16, 2005

Trials and Misfortune

Today is the first time that I have had in the last two and one half weeks to get back to my blog. My last communication involved me explaining the misfortune that had befallen my family. Well, it didn’t stop there. In exactly one week, I got another phone call. My mother was at her doctor’s office and was instructed to go straight to the hospital. The unsightly bump on her shoulder was a blood clot. It was the size of a small length of rope you would use to tie down your boat, if you had one. Not a pretty picture for a 70-year-old woman. So off I went to assist her in her malady.

This was another example of trial and misfortune for me to endure. One of my first thoughts was, Is God testing me? At the time, I was in the middle of playing catch up. With a writing assignment, a presentation for school, and some workshops coming up, my hands were full. I began to wonder if I should just quit. Quit everything. Why should I bother continuing to grow in mind, body, and spirit? The world was not only collapsing around me but my mere existence was facing what looked to be insurmountable. Talk about testing one’s constitution. The loss of steady income and death wasn’t enough? Apparently not.

Something else I noticed was the day these terrible things happened on. Tuesdays. My son’s last day of work was on a Tuesday. A week later on a Tuesday my nephew was murdered. Then suddenly on a Tuesday, two weeks after that, my mother was seriously ill. I am starting to wonder if I should avoid all Tuesdays. You know, pad lock all the doors, shutter the windows, unplug the phones, disconnect my computer, and hide under the bed sheets until every Tuesday pass. Maybe, just maybe, I won’t get one of those phone calls.

I know it sounds really silly. But imagine if you were going through what I have already gone through. Enough is enough. I want my normal life back. The one like everyone else has, where you quiet the alarm, get dressed, check the time, and then get to work. So what if I work from home. I follow a regular schedule too. Is it asking too much to feel like you deserve some peace?

So here I am, sitting at my computer trying, once again, to get back to normal and it’s Sweetest Day. I attempt to make contact with friends to wish them well. It had been quite a while since I last held a conversation with anyone. Everybody is busy. No time to talk or shoot the breeze for a few minutes. Sometimes I wonder why I even bother. If I don’t call, I am chastised. If I do call, they can’t be bothered. You can’t say I didn’t try. The phone calls were to help me feel as if I was back in control again. Doing the same old things I always do. I guess this is another trial I am put through, a way to test my strength against the odds. I will continue to hang onto my sanity when it looks as if nothing is going my way.

I do have one thing to be glad about. Roses. Pink ones. My son bought them to me and that lifted my spirit. If no one else has time for me, that’s all right, because my son thinks of me. It may take a while but I know sooner or later, I’ll get over Tuesdays. Sooner or later, things will be normal and seem boring to me. Believe me when I tell you, when it happens, I won’t be complaining. I have been to the other side and it isn’t any sunnier there either.


Blogger Sylvia Hubbard said...

When it rains, it falls? Isn't that the expression. Your struggle and triumph through it all is in my prayers, gurl.

12:53 PM  

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